Damn..

I was doing pretty fine. I wasnt missing you too much. I didnt think about you all the time. Yes, sometimes you crossed my mind and i thought “i miss his hugs” or “i wish things could get back to how they were”. But no. They cant. And Today i Saw you. Wearing that jacket that hugged me a few times. Walking the same way you always do: hands inside the pockets. And i Saw you. And you Saw me. But we kept walking. We kept walking our seperate ways. In different directions.

But now i can only think about how much i miss you and want you in my life again. But fuck no. Im not going to be a fool for you anymore. You made me realize i deserve better. But what if 10 years from now, i still think about you and you dont think of me? What if i still want you even though i know you’re not enough for me? I still think about you when i think about green eyes. But i deserve green eyes that only have eyes for me. So fuck you.

Please dont cross my path or my mind. Let me live peacefully.

Anúncios

Living and learning

So, another thing i just understood. Friends are not Forever. I dont need any type of negativity in my life. I dont need people who love arguments and confusions. I dont need people that are not there for me. I dont need friends who make me feel worse when i fuck up or insult me when Im already blaming myself.  i dont need friends who judge me when they know nothing.

I honetly hate nosy people. Its my life, my relashionships and my problems. People have absolutely nothing to do with it. Also, i dont even show all of myself to anyone so.. people just talk shit while they know nothing about me or the reasons i do certain things.

Right now it feels like lonely. Its raining outside and the sky has been cloudy all day. Kinda hard to not feel even sadder. But thats okay. Tomorrow the sun will rise again, no matter what happens today. Tomorrow is the perfect day to better yourself and start over.

 

Why you should love yourself

Self love is such an important topic for me. You gotta love who you are even if you’re still finding yourself. Even if you’re in a bad period of your life. Even if other people dont love you. Even if you dont know why to love yourself. But there are always infinite reasons why you should love yourself. Here are some of them:

  1. You are the only person with whom you will spend your entire life. From your first breath to your last. Be kind to yourself.
  2. You are the only one who knows everything you have been through. Remember that heartbreak that destroyed you? Remember that time you were in so much pain you thought you couldnt take it anymore? Remember all the days you didnt want to wake up? All the days you were broke inside but no one noticed? But, guess what, you did it. You wake up every day. I know people may not value this enough but you know what you got through and all the hard times you survived when many wouldnt. Give yourself credit. Im so proud. You should be too.
  3. You were given this life as you. I mean, you are unique. Not to be cheesy but there is literally no human being like you. There never was and there will never be. You have all these imperfections and weird things that make you who you are. Not because you chose to be born like this but just because you are. Embrace that.
  4. You are perfect. We all are. Being perfect is not about being fit, sexy, funny and smart. It is about knowing you are not perfect but treating, caring and loving yourself as if you were.
  5. You can actually change so many things if you love yourself. You can help other people who hate themselves. You can achieve anything you want. You can act confident. You can get out of your comfort bubble and change the world.
  6. There are people who love you. I think it is so painful to see someone you love not loving themselves. And even if you dont think so, there are always people that care about you and to whom you mean so much. I dont care if that is your parents, partner, a friend.. there is ALWAYS someone there for you. Even a stranger can become someone who loves you. Seven billion people in this world.. thats a lot of people that dont know you but if and when they do, they will.
  7. When you love yourself you become stronger. People who love themselves dont really care about what other think of them. They dont care if someone doesnt like them. So love yourself so much that even if the world is against you, you dont feel lonely or desperate.

 

Loving yourself will make you walk confidently, say more of what you think, losing some fears and be happier. You’ll be able to be yourself and not giving a damn about what other people think. And thats so so so important. Everything is temporary. Your school, your friends. etc. The only permanent thing in life is our relashionship with ourselves. Make sure that your mind is a happy, loving and peaceful place to spend your entire life in. Make sure you try to better yourself in order to be the best version of yourself and loving who you are the most you can.

Until then, in this weird proccess of learning how to giving yourself worth, dont take things too serioulsy. Everything will pass. You’ll get through anything life throws at you. Dont be arrogant. Dont be selfish. Just stay cool, kind and calm. Stay loyal to yourself, be yourself and LOVE YOURSELF. If you do, people will also see the good in you more easily.

 

 

PS: Im always here if you need me and im also in this hard stage of my life where im slowly (with some steps backwards sometimes) learning to love myself enough to be totally myself everywhere. Im slowly getting less insecure and shy and starting to embrance who i am.

We can do this!! I love you.

I did it

I did it.. i deleted his number. I blocked his Instagram. He never deserved me. I knew id keep running to him if i had the way, so i ended up every way of contact between us. And i feel so much better. More free. Im not stuck with him anymore. I dont care if he sees my pictures anymore. I dont care if he misses me. I gave him my heart and soul and we had some good moments but thats not enough. He didnt care. And i wont act stupid anymore. Im moving on. The few happy moments we had werent worth the painful no sleep nights i spent thinking and wondering about what ifs. What if nothing.

I freaking deserve the best person in the world. I deserve to be treated like a freaking queen. And if he didnt think that: thank you, next.

Im enjoying my freedom, the fact that i can be who i am and do what i want. Having fun with my friends and do my stuff. Focusing on good vibes only and in my mental health.

Leave everything that makes you sad or thinking you’re not good enough. Everything that makes you nervous or insecure. You deserve the world. Know your worth and think about yourself. Do what makes you the happiest. Be yourself. Keep going, you’re doing just fine.

Ily

Moving on from heartbreak

So… I’m kinda going through a heartbreak right now. But not really because he was never mine and I knew we wouldnt happen. I knew i would end up hurting but i fell for him. As always.

I was the only one trying. The only one putting effort into us. He ignored me and wasnt there for me when i needed him. I keep running back to him all the time and telling myself i shouldnt but i never learn. But im so done. I wont text him anymore. I wont smile at him when i see him. I wont cry myself to sleep because he couldnt value me and treated me like a toy. Im so not like this. Im so stubborn and i dont let people treating me badly so why am i like this with him? Because i cared too much and he doesnt care at all. And thats what hurts the most. The fact that im hurting and hes doing just fine without me. That he doesnt miss me at all. Every moment we spent meant nothing?

Honestly i deserve better. He doesnt deserve me at all as long as he cant understand what he feels. He has to learn how to treat a girl right. Maybe he knows but he doesnt like me so he doesnt even try but im done. I wont settle for less than i deserve. I deserve love, effort and caring. I deserve someone who deeply cares about me and wants to know me. Someone who sees a future with me. Someone who spoils me with little surprises and love. Someone who only looks at me like im the only girl in the world. The worst? I had that someone. I had an amazing boy but couldnt keep him because i changed. Now im back at falling for fuckboys. But ill be fine. Ill find THE boy.

If you’re in a similar situation, trust me, if he/she doesnt put effort in your relashionship, if you think youre not getting the love you deserve or if you’re always the one who tries and texts first, move on. You deserve better and you can find better. Picture your ideal person and dont settle down for less than that thought. Because that person is out there. And youll find her.

Dont waste your tears with someone who is doing just fine without you. One day someone will love you so much you’ll understand why it didnt work out with anyone else. Because it wasnt meant to be and something better is coming your way. Be patient and dont text him/ her! Dont waste your time trying to make something that isnt meant to happen. It wont happen because you deserve better.

Im also trying to understand this.

Lets go, we can do better!!

 

Grandparents: angels from heaven

as a daughter of a single mom, it was just me, her and my two brothers since i was 4. And my grandparents.

Im so thankful for them. They always protected me from everything that we were all going through. Even when they were suffering, my grandpa still took me to the Park and long walks for hours; my grandma still cooked for me and always seemed so calm. Even when my mom was getting through the process of getting divorced i always felt save. Sometimes i was scared and knew something was going on, but i totally lived those years being protected from the entire family. As the youngest, sometimes i felt like everyone knew more than me and a few years later, i would even get mad sometimes because no One wanted me know everything so i wouldnt get sad or worried. I was so Little, so protected.

Obviously, now i understand and know pretty much everything, but Im so thankful i could live my childhood pretty normally. I grew up kinda fast but still, i had an amazing childhood. Its kinda weird how i was so Innocent and didnt know almost anything about why we were moving. Why it was just the four of us now. Why dad was someone i shouldnt talk to or be with. They all suffered so much while trying to make me have a normal childhood.

Forever grateful to my mom, my hero and the strongest human being i have ever met. To my grandparents, for protecting me and always taking care of me. When i get sick, last year when i couldnt go to school because of anxiety, they kept taking care of me and telling me everything was going to be okay. I spent days at their house and they supported me all the time even if they didnt know What was going on In my head. To my two big brothers. For also being kids and being able to protect me and make it look like everything was okay.

Right now, Im at my grandpas house. After so many years together, going through so many hard Times, they still the calmest, wiser and most caring people. My grandmother stills cooking the best freaking food. my granddad stills help me with homeworks and telling stories of when he was young. Wish i could keep them with me Forever. Love them to the Infinity. Forever thankful to have them.

 

Yall love and take care of your family. One day we will miss them and regret not spending enough time with them.

Just a fool for you

Im such a fool. I always tell people to move on if they are not getting the love they think they deserve but I keep holding on to him. Even when i know i like him so much more than he likes me. Even when i know that i care too much about him. Even when i know that i will end up hurting myself. More than i already do. But i keep holding on to him. Even if i try to let him go, i just cant. I keep being pushed to him.

I shouldnt. I shouldnt care about him. Or text him. Or even think about him. But i always end up missing him. Wanting to be with him. Wanting to hug him. I dont even know if he really is just playing with my feelings or if he feels something inside. I dont freaking know.

I hate being a fool or look stupid. Im stubborn. I know my worth. But him.. he makes me being the one trying. The one putting effort in whatever the hell we have. He makes me put my pride aside and be a fool running after him.

And the worst? I hate being like this. Im only like this to him. And its annoying how stupid he makes me be. Its annoying that i dont care about anything as long as i can be with him.

 

PS: dont be like me. You can be better