Just a fool for you

Im such a fool. I always tell people to move on if they are not getting the love they think they deserve but I keep holding on to him. Even when i know i like him so much more than he likes me. Even when i know that i care too much about him. Even when i know that i will end up hurting myself. More than i already do. But i keep holding on to him. Even if i try to let him go, i just cant. I keep being pushed to him.

I shouldnt. I shouldnt care about him. Or text him. Or even think about him. But i always end up missing him. Wanting to be with him. Wanting to hug him. I dont even know if he really is just playing with my feelings or if he feels something inside. I dont freaking know.

I hate being a fool or look stupid. Im stubborn. I know my worth. But him.. he makes me being the one trying. The one putting effort in whatever the hell we have. He makes me put my pride aside and be a fool running after him.

And the worst? I hate being like this. Im only like this to him. And its annoying how stupid he makes me be. Its annoying that i dont care about anything as long as i can be with him.

 

PS: dont be like me. You can be better

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Healing

Healing is a hella long process.

Not linear. Not regular. Not easy.

And thats okay and thats normal.

Either you’re healing from a heartbreak, a mental disorder, a loss… You’ll heal. Your scars will stop aching like they do now. Soon they Will be just scars that show how strong you are.

Some days are good, some days are bad. Sometimes you feel like you have totally healed but sometimes you feel like youll never get through this. Its okay to feel like that. It means you are living. You are still living. Its okay to have bad days just dont let those days define you.

Its okay if today you are feeling sad. Try to get up. Eat. Go outside. You got this.

Keep moving, i love you.

You’re doing so fine and i am so proud of you.

If you miss someone

Its okay to miss people. That means you love or loved them. It means you had someone special in your life. Someone with whom you shared moments youll keep forever. Someone you cared for so much it hurts. Its okay to hurt. Feel. Miss them. Cry. Its okay.

But move on. You suffered enough. Now its time to be happy again. You deserve it.

Keep going. They Will cross your mind sometimes. Maybe when you go through the coffee shop you used to have breakfast at. Or when you see a picture of them. And thats okay. Keep walking, keep that picture, but dont let the fact that you miss them control you.

Love.. kills you or heals you?

So, let’s talk about love. I honestly feel too much. When I hate someone, I can’t even look at them but when I love someone I just want to spend every minute with them. I want to be comfortable around them, to meet their family, to spend time just playing around. I imagine a whole future with them. And that sucks because nothing ever goes as well as i wished.

The problem is… when a boy likes me, I dont like him that much because I’m too busy with assholes  that act like they like me but then say they dont. Fuck.

Its so annoying. Right now I ended up a relashionship and there’s this boy. I like him so much it annoys me. He’s so childish but I cant get him out of my mind. How stupid is it?

I just want to focus on myself, on my mental health and in my grades. But I cant. I always end up thinking if he’s thinking of me, or if he really doesnt like me. I may sound like a complete idiot but i swear i dont believe him when he says he doesnt feel anything. I know he does. And if he really doesnt… hes the greatest actor and the biggest asshole ive ever met.

I totally support people when they say they like someone who doesnt like them back and think they should move on. But its not that easy. Im trying to do that so hard. But all i think about is.. what if he actually likes me but is scared? – he doesnt. What if you we would end up happy together but wont because of me? – we wouldnt, if he was meant to be yours, he would try to talk to you and fix everything. What if he was the one but theres nothing i can do to keep him? – hes so not the one. And i know. I freaking know all of that. But him… He felt like home. His hugs were the place i wanted to spend hours in. His eyes under the street lamp at 9pm shined so much.

I miss him. He was never mine. He doesnt even care. But damn i miss him so much. I hate that i see him almost everyday. I just want to forget him. Im really trying to.

I know i deserve better. But every time i have something good i dont really love it. Not as much as i love him.

If you ever felt this way, you can do this. We’ll eventually get over them. We’ll for sure find someone who is even better than we dreamt of. I promise.

The world is ours. Lets go make this time the best time of our lives and dont waste it on assholes.

 

Being a teen

Everyone always says that young people have everything to be happy. No problems, no family to take care of, no kids to feed, etc. And I guess it is true. We really have a lot of stuff that would be enough for us to be totally happy.

But that’s not that easy, am I right?

We also have issues. We have to find ourselves in this world. We have to make choices while we know nothing about the world or about ourselves. We also have our hearts broken. We also struggle. We stress about exams. We stress about not being good enough. We’re afraid of the future. We overthink. I overthink a lot..

What if this goes wrong? What is I can’t do it? What if I fail? What if I never find anyone who really loves me? So many what ifs.

We have to learn how to deal with changes, feelings and disappointments. We have to deal with not knowing who we are yet.

Buuttt… That’s totally fine. That’s actually beautiful.

Not knowing who you’ll be in 5, 10 or 20 years. Not knowing what your job will be or how many kids you’ll have. I guess not knowing too much is a blessing. While we’re innocent, we can still dream and think about how everything will be in the future. Not having everything figured out yet is normal. It is life. It makes part of the process. Of life, I mean.

So, to every teen out there needing to hear this, you’re doing just amazing. Don’t overthink the future. Don’t stress about who you have to be. Be whatever the hell you want to. Enjoy life. Love a lot. Laugh. Study hard. Do what makes you happy. Don’t be afraid of trying new things or to be who you are.

In a few years, you will have everything figured out. You will have a job, a partner, a house and you’ll be happy. Trust me. But for now, enjoy this crazy life that being a teenager is. Enjoy the fact that you’re free. You still have so much to experience, so many feelings to feel, so many places to visit. Things take time but life is amazing. The world is yours.

Be happy.

Introducing me..

Wasssuppp

Like you already know, I’m a pretty normal teen. I go to high school, i hang out with friends, I study and love junk food. I have acne and trust issues that I’m working on.

Besides that, I have a nerdy side.. which is kinda big. I love reading: from cheesy romances to teen adventure books. I honestly love being home so much. Not trying to look antissocial but really, my home is my safe place. I spend hours reading, writing or just spending time with my family. I love those rainy/ cloudy days where you can hear the rain drops and it’s freezing outside but you’re warm in your bed with a blanket and a cup of tea/ coffee/ hot chocolate.

I still jam to one direction and love high school musical movies. Sorry not sorry.

Also, I have boy related problems. But that’s a whole another post.

Last year was the worst year of my life. I found out I had several anxiety and been with medication and medical help since then. This is never easy, no matter your age, character, wtv. I couln’t even go to school and barely went out. I just cried for hours falling asleep and when I woke up. Few months later, I’m living life normally and honestly, I never thought I would be able to keep living. But here I am. I look like a totally normal person but, hey, everyone has problems.

I guess this is pretty much it.

Welcome to my world.